Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
