I can text with my tongue
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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