ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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