He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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