Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
