dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
