i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
