so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
the room spins SO much faster in panama
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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