btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
