Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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