Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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