You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
