i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
BRING THE BAGELS
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
