Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
