HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
