He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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