He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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