that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
