O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
