is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
