I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize