i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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