so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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