Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
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