you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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