I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You ruined the universe
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
