Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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