I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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