I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
