I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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