He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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