just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
