I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
