you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
