wat bout pragnant strippers??
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
We are two peas in an std pod
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
