My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
