is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
