I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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