I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
