every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize