So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
