you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
