ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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