if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
