Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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