The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
