why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
