no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
