she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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