So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
