i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize