I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I need to stop coming to work sober
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Randomize
