Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
