Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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