She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize