just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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