I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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