Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize