i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
