Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
