I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
