Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My ass is underappreciated
Randomize
