He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Randomize
