is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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