i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
