k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
