I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
