did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
