how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
We are two peas in an std pod
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize