I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
