Need sex. Gaining weight.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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