im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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