I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
