Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Randomize
