My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
