Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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